I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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