Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
