So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize