i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
