her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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