you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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