She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
