I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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