Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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