i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I faked an abortion last night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
