Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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