I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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