i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize