i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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