How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
