I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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