What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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