I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
