Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
