hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
