Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
