She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
