Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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