well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
