They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
