Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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