can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
