sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
