I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
