Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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