So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
