I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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