your parents love me but you hate me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
