don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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