Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
