I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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