Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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