Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
