capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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