did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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