There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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