Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
