really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
