Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
