Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
