I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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