i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
