I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize