So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize