Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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