All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
