Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
