I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
