I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
