Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize