Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
