Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
