We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
