i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
