bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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