shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
