My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
