Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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