I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
