I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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