haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize